loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
