After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
