What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
