Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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