every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
