I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
