That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
