I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
