I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
