Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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