found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this hospital has no fireball
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
