for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
