i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
