Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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