The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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