I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
