There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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