Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
