Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my poor anus
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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