I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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