He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
