I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
