She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
