I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
