btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
