I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
