By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
