At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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