Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
