As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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