Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
