Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
