I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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