My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i think i just lost a toe
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