so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
