Cold hands, warm shart.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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