Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
