when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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