My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it wasn't lemon gatorade
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
