is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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