Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
