Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
