hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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