boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
