Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
