no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
