her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
