Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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