dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
