Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
